Are you trying to get the Desktop Software to connect over Bluetooth? If you installed the driver software that came with the Bluetooth adapter, you've probably got Widcomm or another 3rd party installed instead.
RIM's software will only work with the basic Windows drivers (see blackberry.com/btsc/articles/835/KB04132_f.SAL_Public.html#Task 2).
My experience is that if you uninstall the custom drivers and reboot the PC, Windows will automatically install its own drivers. With Microsoft's drivers, you can pair the BlackBerry and connect using Bluetooth as well as USB.
Incidentally, Microsoft's Bluetooth drivers don't support Bluetooth audio, so you're going to have to choose between audio or RIM's data transfer capability. RIM has an email account set up for suggestions: bbsuggestions@rim.net; please be polite.
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