[jsconyers]

I know there's a long running thread on bad jokes (some of which are funny), but I didn't want to post any political jokes in that thread. I thought this sub-forum would be the right place for them.

Here is one to start it off:

Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the helicopter in front of the

White House: he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "nice pigs, sir."

The President replies "These are not pigs these are authentic Arkansas

Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got

one for the Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi."

The Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says, "Excellent trade, sir."

[dc/dc]

Originally Posted by jsconyers

I know there's a long running thread on bad jokes (some of which are funny), but I didn't want to post any political jokes in that thread. I thought this sub-forum would be the right place for them.

Here is one to start it off:

Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the helicopter in front of the

White House: he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "nice pigs, sir."

The President replies "These are not pigs these are authentic Arkansas

Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got

one for the Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi."

The Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says, "Excellent trade, sir."

I remember that joke when it was Bill Clinton and he got the trade for Hillary and Chelsea. Classic.

[JSanders]

I remember that joke when it was Richard Nixon and he got the trade for Pat and Spiro.

My how time flies.

[kathrynhr]

You Might Be A Republican If...

You refer to your kids as "Deduction one" and "Deduction two"
You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend"
You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.
You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of b!tches."
You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."
You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."
You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."
You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.
You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.
You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.
You're afraid of "the liberal media."


You Might Be A Democrat If...

You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category.
You've never been mugged.
You've ever said, "We really should call the ACLU about this."
You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.
You don't understand why anyone was bothered by Jane's trip to Hanoi.
You actually expect to collect Social Security.
You think the Great Society has actually worked.
You got teary-eyed during the film "The American President."
Your High School Year Book goals included the words "help people."
You think political patronage describes the Kennedy family.
You think the Free Market is where they hand out Government cheese.
You ever based an argument on the phrase, "But they can afford a tax hike because..."
You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does.
You go to Gay Pride Day parades so that no one can call you homophobic.
Your house smells like a garbage dump because of your commitment to recycling.

[jsconyers]

HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

1. Create a new file in your computer.
2. Name it 'Barack Obama.'
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. Your PC will ask you if you really want to get rid of 'Barack Obama?'
6. Firmly Click 'Yes.'
7. Feel better...?

GOOD...! - Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi

[dmead]

I heard that one some time back only it was with a file named Dick Cheney

[muskiemania]

Originally Posted by jsconyers

HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

1. Create a new file in your computer.
2. Name it 'Barack Obama.'
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. Your PC will ask you if you really want to get rid of 'Barack Obama?'
6. Firmly Click 'Yes.'
7. Feel better...?

GOOD...! - Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi

Ooh that does feel better.

[djm2]

What is George Bush's position on Roe v Wade?



He said he really doesn't care how they evacuate New Orleans.

[strike2tamu]

They said Obama would be president when pigs fly...now we have the swine flu.

[dmead]

A woman in a hot-air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her
altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me,
can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air
balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above
sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100
degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm
still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are
going.. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to
solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before
we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

[Dubdub]

Another golden oldie from past elections. But still funny.

[dmead]

i couldn't think of a better place for this. Simply priceless.

[test54]

I don't blame them, it's only natural right....

[LunkHead]

Why is he looking at her shoes?

[dmead]

a certain Sir-mix-alot song comes to mind...

[mriff]

Originally Posted by test54

I don't blame them, it's only natural right....

No need for Sarkozy to be looking. He's married to Carla Bruni.

[dmead]

oh my....

[test54]

Originally Posted by mriff

No need for Sarkozy to be looking. He's married to Carla Bruni.

That should be true but it's not. She is stunning though.

[dmead]

he's married, not dead.

[adorkable]

This joke is beyond inappropriate, but it still makes me laugh. What can I say, I like cringe humor.

What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina?






Not everything that comes out of her vagina is retarded.