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View Poll Results: How many times have you been responsible for end of life decisions?
Never 8 47.06%
Once 7 41.18%
Twice 2 11.76%
Three or more 0 0%
Who cares, give me a beer 0 0%
Voters: 17. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 08-29-2009, 12:01 PM   #1
djm2
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Default End of Life Decisions

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How many times have you personally been responsible for the end of life decisions for a loved one?

For myself, it is just once so far, but a couple more will be on the short-term horizon.
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Old 08-29-2009, 12:59 PM   #2
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Twice. Once for my mother, once for my Mother-in-law.
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Old 08-29-2009, 02:05 PM   #3
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Wirelessly posted (Its All About the U!)

Zero. Many people set up living wills now.
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Old 08-29-2009, 02:11 PM   #4
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Wirelessly posted

Quote:
Originally Posted by mriff
Twice. Once for my mother, once for my Mother-in-law.
Did they have living wills? My mother did, and there were still "issues."

Last edited by djm2; 08-29-2009 at 02:12 PM..
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Old 08-29-2009, 03:08 PM   #5
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Wirelessly posted (Its All About the U!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by djm2
Wirelessly posted

Quote:
Originally Posted by mriff
Twice. Once for my mother, once for my Mother-in-law.
Did they have living wills? My mother did, and there were still "issues."
I am surprised. They are usually pretty clear. sorry for your loss whenever it was
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Old 08-29-2009, 03:17 PM   #6
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Fortunately I haven't ever had to be in this position. Not sure how strong I would be able to be.
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Old 08-29-2009, 03:34 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by akosnitzky View Post
Wirelessly posted (Its All About the U!)



I am surprised. They are usually pretty clear. sorry for your loss whenever it was
It's cool. Long time ago as well.

The issue that can come into play is interpretive and focuses on the grey areas that exist in any document. For example, assume that the living will states "no heroic efforts" and no revival, etc. Fairly common terms for a living will. Further assume that the person is cogent, but that they begin to slip into shock while you are with them at their residence -- not in the hospital. Do you take them to the hospital, get them into the ICU or do you stay with them and let them die -- knowing that if you do so you are following the dying persons wishes but you may well have other family members second guess your judgement. Also, in this context, how accurate is your assessment? Can you identify shock? Do you know that this is the end-game. You may make a decision that will cost the person some days or weeks of life, although typically not months or years.

Don't get me wrong -- living wills are without a doubt the way to go to clarify these matters. But any responsible party for a living will should know full well that there may be tough decisions that need to be made as they carry out their duties.

Last edited by djm2; 08-29-2009 at 03:47 PM..
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Old 08-29-2009, 03:36 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by juwaack68 View Post
Fortunately I haven't ever had to be in this position. Not sure how strong I would be able to be.
From the little knowledge of you that I have gained via this forum I am certain that you would be an excellent person to take on this responsibility.
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Old 08-29-2009, 04:40 PM   #9
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I've seen some living wills or maybe they were durable power of attorney for healthcare documents that are pretty specific. Example, treatment with an antibiotic for a non-life threatening condition might be given a yes, but puting in a feeding tube might be a no. CPR might be a yes in some cases, but a respirator/ventilator might be a no. But you are right dmj2, there are often grey areas and I've seen families agonize over these kinds of decisions. Fortunately I've never had to personally make those decisons.
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Old 08-29-2009, 04:43 PM   #10
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Once, for my father. Tough decisions, but we had a good doctor and hospice nurse who stood by us and knew better the situation.
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Old 08-29-2009, 04:44 PM   #11
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Most are quite specific, but unfortunately death is a messy process that isn't (can't be) completely pre-planned.
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Old 08-29-2009, 04:53 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by djm2 View Post
Wirelessly posted
Did they have living wills? My mother did, and there were still "issues."
My Mother had a living will and a living trust. She had a couple years to get her affairs in order. But when one gets down to the final days, there are decisions to be made. She passed away in our home. Assisted by nursing care. We made day to day decisions based on emotion, not really on her living will. The decisions centered around pain management. We simply wanted her to suffer as little as possible. The nurses we had on call were amazing. We were fortunate to be able to have them around. Right before my Mother passed away, the nurse with her at the time told me to go gather the family, that it was time (somehow, she knew). We were all with her within minutes. And then she simply quit breathing. We were all with her at the time.
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Last edited by mriff; 08-29-2009 at 04:59 PM..
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Old 08-30-2009, 08:14 AM   #13
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Wirelessly posted (overwhelmingly stressed)

I think of this subject quite a bit as my parents are up there in the years both 70+, I've discussed with both about this very matter. Neither has a will which angers me, irresponsible not to have one. I am one of eight kids. A will would make things easier on us all!

I do not look forward to the day decisions of this nature must be made but I am a realist an know it is only a matter of time

This is a good thread got me to thinking think ill go have a chat with my parents about a will!
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Old 08-30-2009, 10:24 AM   #14
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EZ, good luck with getting them to at least get wills drawn up.
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Old 08-31-2009, 08:06 AM   #15
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My parents are in their late 50's and early 60's, so -- God willing -- I have a few more years to go before I need to make any end of life decisions. However, I have watched them make such decisions for 3 of my 4 grandparents.

I believe my parents have a will, but not a living will, which aggravates me. My husband, an attorney, has offered to draft one for them but they're dragging their feet... I assume because they don't want to think about dying.
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Old 09-03-2009, 08:53 AM   #16
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About 2 years ago my wife and I did the paperwork for the health side of things in case something happens to me with my issues of what I want to happen and what I don't want. We also did the same for her as she's made it quite clear what she wants and since she's a nurse, she's seen the good/bad/ugly side of everything. There were many times she had to quit doing a private duty case because she couldn't take seeing the suffering the person was going through just so the family could keep that person alive.

Now as far as a will goes, I'm almost positive that the paperwork that we filled out included what we wanted as far as a funeral, cremation, etc, but should check on that. We have 2 kids and my brother and his wife can't take care of them if something ever happened to us and my folks are too old to handle it as well as their own health issues.

That leaves my mother in-law who really doesn't like kids. They are a headache to her and she let's us know each time she visits which is rare.
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Old 09-23-2009, 03:57 PM   #17
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Wirelessly posted (curve)

Yes I have. My dad.
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Old 09-24-2009, 08:22 AM   #18
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I'm too young yet to have to deal with anything like this, but when the time comes to have to deal with it in regards to my parents, I won't be the one to handle it I'm sure, because of my not so good relationship with them.
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Old 11-30-2009, 10:32 PM   #19
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I have not made a final decision but I did sign a DNR for my 85 year old mom. She has advanced dementia and is losing her body functions. At some point in the near future I most likely will have to make the decision on her.

My 84 year old father is still recovering from a triple bypass in March. My decision on him is not letting him go home and do something stupid like climb a ladder.

We have reached a point where people cannot die gracefully anymore.
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Old 12-01-2009, 11:30 PM   #20
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Wirelessly posted (Bold 9000, answers to HAL)

I haven't and hope I never will. I'll have enough a hard time when my cat goes, can't imagine having to decide for a person.
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